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Celebrity Biologist Claims Aslan Did Not Rise from the Dead (Humor)

In a recent interview with The Telmarine Times, award-winning scientist and disgruntled Black Dwarf, Richikins, declared the resurrection of Aslan at the Stone Table “an impossibility, a silly load of you-know-what the size of a satyr, a myth for small-minded-fluff-for-brains nincompoops like Fauns and Giants.”

He continued, “It is clearly a violation of nature to arise from the dead. I have personally squashed hundreds of bugs in my little dwarf hands and studied them for hours a day, for weeks and months and years. Not one of them has come back to life. Not a one. Ergo ipso facto, Aslan did not come back from the dead. This is the method of science, and science is foolproof.”

When asked about the Deep Magic and the Deeper Magic from Before the Dawn of Time, Richikins demurred. “If such a thing existed, which it doesn’t, it would be impossible to study it with science, as science answers every sort of question there is, and because science can’t answer questions about magic, there must not be any magic. I’m very logical, you know.”

At the end of the interview, a loud clamor arose outside the window. Richikins threw himself to the floor and covered his head with his long, black beard.

“Did you hear that? It sounded like a lion. It wasn’t a lion, was it? Couldn’t have been. It’s not Aslan, that’s for sure. It couldn’t have been Aslan, because if Aslan were alive, that would be awfully terrible for me, and that is most certainly why the dead don’t come back to life.”

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Chris Casberg

Chris Casberg

is a reader, writer, and husband all rolled into one fleshy package. He earned his B.A. in Global Studies from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He spent five years on active duty in the US Marine Corps, where he served as a translator of Middle Eastern languages. Chris currently lives with his beautiful wife and their incorrigible dog in the high desert of rural Central Oregon, where the craft beer flows like the Nile in flood season and the wild deer stare through your window at night. He writes humorous fiction and the occasional curmudgeonly blog post at his website,

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